Holy Crap...... 

I just saw this INSANE magnet on a car parked outside my office this morning. Please discuss it amongst yourself. I am going to save commentary on it for a later post. I don't want to offend anyone, yet. At least not until I finish my coffee.

So this is what carpal tunnel feels like.

Peanut the Clown....

On my way into work today I got behind a Honda Accord plastered with 1-800 numbers and a sign advising prospective clients on how to obtain the services of Peanut the Clown. It got me thinking. Strangely, I have come across many people that know or where rent-a-clowns. First, there was my ex-boyfriends uncle, Kitt, who was an out of work rent-a-clown. Then when I was in Peru, one of the Peruvian guys I worked with, Alan, was a rent-a-clown while he was in college. Oddly enough, Alan was unfamiliar with the chicken dance and instead of singing "Happy Birthday" he told me he would sing "Sopa Verde" which translated means green frog. He told me that it had something to do with making fun of the English. Between the language barrior and my blinding crush on him I really didn't catch the joke. Finally today, there is Peanut the Clown. I wonder if there is some subversive rent-a-clown community I know nothing about. They all meet after work and swill back beers while comparing the comfort level of their plastic noses and huge shoes. Would they let an outsider in? Could I go hang with the rent-a-clowns for a night just to see how it feels?

I am thinking about becoming a class warrior.

Lake Vomit...

I ran another triathlon on Saturday. It went well but did not go great. I am trying to break into the top five of my age group but didn't manage to do it this time around. While I failed to meet my overall goal, I may have had one of the most disgusting/hardcore moments in my triathlon history. No, I am not talking about wrecking on my bike and finishing the race with a broken collar bone or chaffed bloody nipples but I am talking about puking while I swam. Yep, it's true. I turned my head to breath and out it flew. I couldn't control it and someone definitely had to swim threw it. I puked and kept on going. All in all, I managed to finish 8th in my age group. Not bad for a puker. Not bad at all.

Overheard...

at the ATM last night

Girl 1: She's just so cool

Girl 2: Yeah

Girl 1: Do you remember that time she wore that spandex. Man, that was just so cool


Listening To: Pela

Can anyone out there hear me? I am about to resort to this. I am not what one would consider computer adept. I know enough to make some decent maps, run a simple model or two, check my email, and look at the weather for me and the surrounding six county area. Linux is, well honesty, completely and totally over my head. Maybe it is just intimidating. See, I can't install the driver that will run my video card for some reason; therefore, I can't use the graphical user interface so I am stuck using the command line version. I know it may sound like I know what I am talking about but I totally don't. I have never messed with command line and source code. I am a point and click kind of person. Linux may deflower me. It feels so wrong. 

Over the Past Day or Two...

The Lord.of.Locust and I have been having an interesting conversation about tattoos and television. You can share your thoughts or just read for shits and giggles here.

Dear So and So....

Dear Office Mate,

You might not have insomnia if you would lay off the Coke you drink ALL DAY LONG. It is hard to feel sympathy for you when I watch you put back between 3 and 6 of those a day. The giant bag of Skittles isn't helping the problem either.


Dear Guy Helping Me With My Linux Installation,

I can't express my gratitude enough for all the time and energy you have put into this. While I am eternally grateful, I have to finish a report today. Could we possibly speed things up here? I kind of wanted to cut out before 2 today. It being Friday and all. Maybe the video card driver isn't this important after all.

Dear Lady Down the Hall that Always Gives Me the Up and Down Every Single Day,

Can I ask you something? What the fuck are you looking at? If I have something hanging from my nose or something stuck to my shoe just tell me! You're nasty scowls and constant staring is really starting to piss me off.

Dear University,

I understand that you make your bread and butter by the students but why does their return have to uproot our little town and make it take 20 minutes longer for me to get to work in the morning making my nonchalant entrance at 8:07 be more like me running late at 8:27? By the way, can you ban them from driving their big ass SUV's to campus. It makes it really difficult to find my car in the parking lot at lunch time.

Dear Hall Cleaning Lady....

You are doing a fabulous job. Your note about the toilet paper on the seat seems to be doing the trick. I haven't had to tell TP girl myself. I really appreciate that. One thing, the new E-Z foam soap dispenser kind of weirds me out. Do you mind if I set up my own hand soap dispenser? I just bought some melon sented biodegradable soap that I think will work much better for me. Thanks!

Dear Self,....

Just because you think it is "cool" outside doesn't mean that it is. Trekking across campus has left you sweaty and disheveled and now you have to sit at your desk that way. Oh, and by the way, it's August in the south. Don't you know better than that? Your cute new jeans and brown flats are not the garb for combating 10000% humidity.

P.S. Way to forget the deodorant today.

I Bought the Buzz...

I normally have a bit of an aversion to "that" band. You know. The band that everybody whose anybody is talking about. Don't get me wrong. I read a lot about new bands. I follow the scene pretty closely but just get put off when everybody tells me their awesome. I would rather find that out on my own than have preconceived notions. The bands riding the big buzz waves always tend to be disappointing. They never seem to live up to the "Oh my god. You've got to check them out." Either that or they put out one great album followed up by not much worth a damn. Therefore, I tend to steer clear of most bands that follow that sentence. This often bites me in the ass. For example, I refrained from listening to the Arcade Fire for a few months after they were all I heard about around town. Unfortunately, Funeral is a great fucking album and I came around to it pretty late. This time I was determined to not let that happen. I have decided to ignore the buzz and listen to "that" band if I wanna. Have you heard Clap Your Hands Say Yeah? "Oh my god. You've got to check them out." They have been all I have heard about over the past couple months. They have been all over pitchforkmedia.com and Magnet. I even read an article on them in the Atlanta Journal Constitution while waiting for the boys niece and nephew to be born. I had downloaded their single "Upon This Tidal Wave of Young Blood" a couple of months ago from salon.com. I was into the single but had low expectations for the album due to all the buzz. Maybe it's that they clearly lsiten to a lot of Talking Heads or maybe its because they aren't some bullshit 80's new wave wanna be but my expectations were totally wrong. I am into it. They have released the album on their own without being snatched up by some major label, yet, and I have not heard them on an MTV commercial, yet. Get it now before you see them on the OC. It's all downhill from there. Once I hear them on the WB they're dead to me.

A Whiter Brighter Smile....

I went to the dentist for a cleaning yesterday. I figured they may as well be clean while the oral surgeon cuts away at my mouth. I have to be honest with you. It has been YEARS since I had a good cleaning not due to a lack of hygiene but more because of a lack of dental insurance. While I was waiting for the dentist to run in with dollar signs in his eyes and talk to me about the upcoming surgeries, I overheard a little girl in the next room who was having her teeth cleaned. Here's how the conversation went...

Dental Hygientist: I am going to scoot you up in the chair now so I can clean your teeth
child slid up chair
Child: Wait. My pants are falling down
Dental Hygientist: I am sorry! I didn't mean for your britches to fall off
Child: Don't call them britches! I know what that means!
Dental Hygientist: Well, britches are pants
Child: If you call them britches again I will punch you!

After the exchange was over, I got to thinking. Remember when you were a kid and going to the dentist always felt like it took all day. It was just awful. They dug at your teeth with those horrible machines that make the worst noise. You always had to choose between bubble gum, mint, or orange flavored fluoride none of which tasted good. Then you would always gag when they stuck the fluoride mouth piece in your mouth and you always ended up swallowing some no matter how much you wiggled that suction tube around in your mouth. The flouride would inevitabley make you feel a little nauseous but "you can't eat or drink for a half an hour." It was always miserable and stressful but at the end you would get a goodie bag and a toy. You would get gross flavored toothpaste (normally bubble gum)and some crazy colored toothbush. The hygientist would give you a sucker (just to make sure you would be back in six months with a mouth full of cavities) that you would want to eat so bad but couldn't "for thirty minutes." Then you could pick a spider ring, an army man, or some other sort of toy. What made it tolerable was the goodie bag and the toy. You don't get all this as an adult. The cleanings are a cake walk, in and out in 30 minutes, but now all you normally get is bad news and a bill. "Here's your bill for $3000, Ms. Betagirl. No, we can't do a payment plan and your insurance doesn't cover any of this." It made me reminesent for the days of old when going to the dentist always started badly but in the end you got some free stuff and the afternoon off of school.

As I was running all this through my mind, the dentist comes in to tell me about what I am sure is going to be another hit to the old wallet not to mention teeth. And what does he bring me....a fucking goodie bag! There's no toy, no crazy colored toothbrush but it is a goodie bag nonetheless with mouthwash, toothpaste, and a plain old crest toothbrush. With it in hand, I headed back to work with clean teeth and a smile. Thanks, Dr. Barker. You made my day.

Take that 

Several Reasons Why....

Steely Dan's A Decade of Dan is on heavy rotation on my computer right now:

1. It's smooth stylings seems to make dull trivial administrative bullshit I have to do sometimes go by just a little bit faster.

2. Michael MacDonald singing backup vocals on Peg and Bad Sneakers

3. These are some fucked up dudes who clearly drank and did a ton of drugs yet they guise it amongst the easy listening. My dad likes Steely Dan. Does he know what "chasing the dragon" really is? Those sneaky bastards.

4. Kick ass saxophone solos reminiscent of those performed by Rob Lowe in St. Elmo's Fire but WAY better

5. While I am only delving into a greatest hits collection I feel that it is a representative sample of what the Dan has to offer

6. Nikki Joe Shapiro. I worked with this guy while I was in college and he was a blast. He was hands down one of the funniest and weirdest people I have ever met. He was obsessed with Steely Dan and made us listen to it all of the time at work. He would always substitute my name when he would sing Babylon Sister...."Babylon Krista, shake it." It always made me giggle. Still does today.

7. Deacon Blues

8. I love that scene in Say Anything when the dad is driving to the nursing home to tell the daughter that she won the fellowship. He is rocking out to his car to "Rikki Don't Loose that Number."

Listening to: Archers of Loaf

What's Going On?...

new home
crappy cold
more than crappy sore throat
new blog idea involving the boy,myself,and the People's Court...stay tuned
digital cable
Steely Dan's A Decade of Steely Dan


Listening To: Pinebender