Fuck Professionalism I want My Pumas...

I am heading into the third month of my triathlon training and as of this week my whole entire body hurts. I have over extended a thigh muscle and twisted my ankle (the ankle was from skateboarding with my dog but nevertheless). Even my fingers and toes ache. This could be the result of me trying to learn how to play the guitar, that is my fingers hurting may be a result of the guitar not my toes...although that would make for a better story, but everything is sore and achey. All of my training distances went up the past two weeks and I am paying the price. Today in an attempt to look a little more professional, I wore boots with a little heel and a pointy toe that could gouge out someone's eyes and my feet are ready to kick my ass for it. Fuck professionalism. I want my Pumas!

Confessions...

I have never been a part of a "doping scandal"

There are two things my next car must have: 1) intermittent wipers 2) rear speakers

I am always cold. It can be ninety degrees out and I will still sit under a blanket

I am having a really bad hair day.

I don't like to do the dishes anymore.

I can't sit in a room for too long if it is not cleaned/ rug vacuumed

I read once that only boring people are ever bored. I must be one fucking boring person.

Death and Taxes...

I filed my income tax a week or so ago and to my shock and utter suprise I owe the federal government $165.00. Now isn't that the rub. I make beans for doing research at a non profit institution and yet I have to give the feds. more of my money. What a bitch! How does that happen? The poorer you are the more money they take from you?

All Our Country Needs Now is a Blow Job...

and we can impeach him. So W. has admitted to smoking pot as a youngster on secret tapes his "friend" recorded while he was govenor of Texas. Now all we need is a little indescression in the Oval Office with an intern and all of us liberals will have a real reason to get rid of him. A sex scandle should do the trick. Clearly, a bullshit war, a pile of lies, and a lot of shitty public policy isn't doing it so let's cross our fingers for a loose intern. Is he really going to Europe to mend fences or is he going to score some weed? I say..weed.

A Small List of Things/People I Think Your God Doesn't Like...

Kid Roc
mobile homes
California
balding people...he's punishing you for something
those little mini cans of coca-cola
Rooms to Go
every old TV show rereleased on DVD (i.e. Miami Vice, Hardcastle and McCormick, etc.)
explosive diahreah
stucco
Ugg boots

One of Those Nights...

Last night I had made plans with my coworkers to hang out for James' last couple days in town before he leaves for Oregon. After discussing with the boy, I realized very quickly that he was not in the mood for it. I figured we could give it until 8 pm or so and then head off. After eating some food, we decided to turn that frown upside down by taking our dog out on the skateboard. There is nothing she likes more than pulling us on the skateboard. She gets super fired up and growls and barks and chases after the skateboard. It's a riot. There is a huge parking lot down the street from our house that is empty at night and is normally where she has her skateboarding sessions. We can close it off and let her run around without fear of cars, etc. Well, after her sesh, the boy skated out into the street with the dog at his side but off the leash. Neither of us saw this guy walking toward us with his greyhound. Well, when the pup saw the guy and the dog she trotted up to him, tail wagging and ears up. The guy kicked at my dog and I flipped out. After some choice words and heated discussion the boy, the dog, myself, and the random guy on the street parted ways with the random guy threatening to beat our dog and kick the boys ass. It all sounds a bit stupid but I tend to get a little lippy when people get in my face. It's one of my least favorite qualities about myself and when/if I can change it I will. Yes, I realize that the boy and I were in the wrong not having our dog on a leash but this guy was an ass for kicking at her. We couldn't explain to him her exuberance and love for other people and dogs because he we too fucking busy trying to kick our dog. He explained his reaction to us but I am not buying it. When a dog prances up to you with her tail wagging does that really provoke a kicking response. This guy is an ass and now we are fortunate enough to have this vocal run in with a neighbor that we will have to live by until our lease is up. Woohoo! Needless to say, we didn't make it to our get together and it was a bit of a long night.

Listening to: David Cross

Business Casual...

I am not sure what "business casual" means. I have worked since I was 18 and it has always been a jeans and T-shirt kind of atmosphere. I don't really know what is considered "business casual" and if I own anything "business casual". If it means I can't wear jeans then that's cool but I am not wearing a suit. Did I just define "business casual?"

Confessions:

I hate precoscious television commercial kids. For example, I just want to punch that little kid that does the Juicy Juice commercials.

I have been watching a lot of TV lately.

I can't make myself finish Pride and Prejudice .

I have added a new person to the Women I would go gay for list...Kiera Knightely.

My friend James that I work in this shitty lab with is moving to Oregon/Nevada for grad school and I am going to miss him. There's not too many guys you can discuss your Women you would go gay for list without them thinking your strange. Bye James! Good Luck!

My last day of work is March 4th...whoohoo!

Clearly the Independent Electoral Commission of Irag certifying the election results does not have a huge fan base. 

Valentine's Day...

The boy and I decided this year and years past that Valentine's Day is sort of stupid and contrived and have not actively participated in this vomitous holiday. Last night, we decided that in years to come, on Valentine's Day, we are going to go and buy half off candy and eat it until we feel sick. Then we are going to go to a gas station and buy each other the tackiest Valentine's Day presents we can find. I can't wait!

To Give a Shit or Not...

I am all anxious today. Both antsy and nervous all rolled into one package. I have to tell the ivy leaguer about my new job. Fortunately for me, he is in Washington, DC. at EPA meetings so I have sheepishly sent him an email telling him my last day will be March 4 (cartwheel...back handspring, cartwheel, back flip). I don't know why I am so worked up about it but I am so nervous that I feel a little pukey. I should not give a shit and I have been playing like I don't give a shit but I am just not programmed that way. After a year of hell working for this guy, I honestly don't want to screw him over. I don't know what is wrong with me. One day, the vindictive me says "it's good to leave him high and dry after he made my work life miserable" but the responsible one worries about not getting a good reference from him and having him hunt me down for the next year at my new job asking me ridiculous questions basically coordinating his lab remotely. I need to let it go.

In other news, I drank too much on Friday night and then paid for it on Saturday especially after I found out we had to drive to Aiken on Saturday night. A two and a half hour drive really sucks at the tail end of a hangover.

I JUST WAS OFFERED A NEW JOB AND TOOK IT...

For frequent readers and full time friends, you know that I hat emy current job so much it makes me want to hurt people. Well, good times are here again because I just accepted a new job with the University to start in 3 weeks. I am so excited I want to barf!

The Battle Wages On, Part 3....

I decided to give SmarterChild a spin on this rediculous debate over Australia and this is what I got:

Betagirl: Hello
SmarterChild: Hi Betagirl, I'm SmarterChild!

I'm your new robot friend. I bring you the info you want faster and easier than ever! Click here to see my privacy policy.

What can I help you with?
Betagirl: Is Australia an island or a continent
SmarterChild: I dunno.
Betagirl: Is it an island?
SmarterChild: I don't think it's an island. Not at the moment anyway.
Betagirl: Is it a continent
SmarterChild: Yeah yeah, it's a continent.
Betagirl: But it is not an island?
SmarterChild: Yeah, maybe.
Betagirl: What is an island?
SmarterChild: Encyclopedia entry for island provided by Brittanica.com

any area of land smaller than a continent and entirely surrounded by water. Islands may occur in oceans, seas, lakes, or rivers. A group of islands is called an archipelago.

Betagirl: IS Australia surrounded by water?
SmarterChild: Ha. Yeah, sure. Maybe.
Betagirl: SO is it an island?
SmarterChild: Do you think it's an island?
Betagirl: I am asking you if it is an island?
SmarterChild: I'll have to think about that.
Betagirl: What do you think?
SmarterChild: I don't really "think." I'm a robot.
Betagirl: Oh
SmarterChild: Oh what? Oh no? Uh-oh?
Betagirl: Just Oh
SmarterChild: That a fact?
Betagirl: yep
SmarterChild: Whatever you say...

The Boy: "A,E, I, O, U and sometimes Australia"

This was not originated by GOLDBLACKDEVILHAD

The Battle Wages On, Part 2....

I am not sure how many of you have heard of Smarterchild but the Apt13 currently thinks it is one of the most interesting things on the net these days. Well, I call bullshit on Smarterchild and artificial intellligence. To prove my point, Apt13 and Smarterchild chimed in on the still ongoing "Is Australia an island and a continent or mearly a continent" debate. This is how it went:

APT13: hello
SmarterChild: Hi Phil! Good to see you again.
APT13: what do you know about australia?
SmarterChild: What would you like to know about Australia?

1 Geographical Information
2 Government Information
3 People Information
APT13: geographical information
SmarterChild: Here is a look at some of the geographical
characteristics of Australia.

Coordinates: 27 00 S, 133 00 E
Location: Oceania, continent between the Indian Ocean and the South
Pacific Ocean

Climate: generally arid to semiarid; temperate in south and east;
tropical in north

Land Area: 7,617,930,.00 sq km
Water Area: 68,920,.00 sq km
Total Area: 7,686,850,.00 sq km
Coastline: 25,760,.00 km
High Elevation: Mount Kosciuszko, 2,229 m
Low Elevation: Lake Eyre, -15 m

Natural Resources: bauxite, coal, iron ore, copper, tin, silver,
uranium, nickel, tungsten, mineral sands, lead, zinc, diamonds, natural
gas, petroleum
APT13: so australia is a continent?
SmarterChild: I dunno!
APT13: well you just said it is!
SmarterChild: It is? I just said it is?
APT13: yes!
SmarterChild: Oh yeah?
APT13: yeah!
SmarterChild: How come?
APT13: cuz i asked
SmarterChild: Oh yeah? Because you asked?
APT13: yes
SmarterChild: I see...
APT13: well, is australia an island?
SmarterChild: What do you think?
APT13: i don't know, i'm asking you
SmarterChild: I thought you did know you're asking me.
APT13: what are you talking about?
SmarterChild: What do you think?
APT13: i don't know
SmarterChild: Really?
APT13: yes
SmarterChild: Oh.
APT13: ok
SmarterChild: OK.

Eat Shit Smarterchild.

The Battle Wages On....

Myself and GOLDBLACKDEVILHEAD are having a debate over weather or not Australia is both and island and a continent or if it is merely a continent. I say island because it is surrounded by water on all sides. Thoughts? Not to influence your decision or anything but I am a geographer...hehe.

Yes, I am watching Oprah. I may flip between that and Trading Spaces and After that I Will Watch the People's Court......

I got back in Athens last night and boy howdy am I glad. So I took a run and now I am watching the tube. I have had sort of a messed up past few days and I think I am ready to share. On Satruday, myself and two guys I work with stumbeled into Lowe's in Aiken to buy some work supplies. Let me point out now that Lowe's in Aiken doesn't open until 2 pm on Sunday's. This is the bible belt people. We walk in and are strolling around the electrical aisle when this women stops dead in her tracks and stares me up and down for what feels like an eternity. This happens ALOT everywhere we go in AIken. I do a quick check to make sure I don't have anything hangin out of my nose, no shit on my face, and no food in my teeth. I was clean and I knew it. So I turn to my friend James and say "Jesus. What is up with the staring in this town?!?!?" Well, you would have thought I yelled "FFFFUUUUUCCCCCKKKKK" at the top of my lungs because the record screeched to a halt and everyone in the aisle turned and looked at me. I heard the woman turn to her friend and say, "That girl just took the lord's name in vain." You're goddamn right I did lady. No offense meant but stop fucking staring at me!

Last night on the way home from my own personal hell, Aiken, SC, I was following a big SUV down a lovely country road when we came around the corner and I saw a racoon dart across the road. The SUV clipped the racoon with its back tire as I swerved to miss the little guy. I am pretty sure it tore or broke his back leg. It was horrifying and I have been thinking about it all day. upon returning to my house I fell into one of the worst moods that I have been in in a real long time.

Today, the boy and I ran out to Sears to get an oil change. On the way home, we saw a very pregnant dog (some sort of Beagle mix) running on the side of the road near our neighborhood. She was panting very heavy and weaving in and out of traffic. We promptly pulled off the side of the road and called her to us. She was so super sweet and so very pregnant. She came running to us and we got her in the car. We tried to call a couple of the rescues in town and got no response. So we called our vet. Under and other curcumstances we would have kept her but we just cannot have a pregnant dog in our apartment and can't afford the vet bills from having a pregnant dog. So, we took her to the pound. I cried the whole entire way there and the whole way home. The boy, because he is probably the most wonderful person I know, emailed Athens Canine Rescue and they replied saying that they were going to go get the dog if she was not reclaimed and find her a foster home. If any one out there in the blogosphere can foster a total sweetheart of a dog please contact rescue@athenscaninerescue.com.

Listening to: Crazy ass women on Oprah talking about being addicted to plastic surgery...messed up

"She's Got An Onion Booty. It Could Make a Young Man Cry"...

Again, I am in Aiken. I am sitting in the Sleep Inn, Again, watching the Surreal Life (it's that or freaky christian TV with characters such as Bible Man) and all I can ask is why is Jane Weiland dressed as a nun in a strip club? That's not totally true. I am also curious as to when Peter Brady got such rock hard abs. To be honest, I am totally over Aiken and totally over my job. I know...big suprise. I never bitch about that one, do I? I am desperately trying not to think about what I will do if I get the job I interviewed for. Step 1: The boy and I move out of our apartment. Step 2: I up my student loan payment. Step 3: a new puppy.

Cofessions: I have decided that this summer is the summer of the dress. I like wearing my glasses. I have seafood cravings ALL of the time and think if I ever gave up my vegeterianism it would be for fishy sushi. I have $40 in my checking account and it doesn't stress me out. I really want the job I just interviewed for because I am not sure that I would be good at it but I need the challenge. I want these very badly and ,No, I don't mind if you buy them for me. I like the movie "You Got Mail" and it makes me cry every time I watch it. I think Rod Stewart's daughter is an idiot.

Thank God There Was No Vomit...

I just finished up my interview and I would like to say that it went fantstically well. I am stoked and should know sometime next week whether or not I will be the new Research Coordinator I. Really, as long as I got out of the office without throwing up I would have been happy. I got myself in such a nervous snit that I thought I was either going to hurl or pee my pants. This tends to happen to me right before I have an interview and then five minutes into the thing I am fine. Go outside and do a dance for me. The insure-new-employment-dance. Go do it! Go do it Now! If you could video tape it and send it to me that would be great. I am in the mood to point and laugh at people.

There is no better way to cure a desire for wierd Japanese video games than weird Japanese video games.

Listening to: Aereogramme

Have any of you ever watched this? You should tune in if not only to see his amazing toupee. I promise my next cat will be named Billy Dilworth.

Highlights and News...

I have been back in town for almost 24 hours now and I am not sure what to do with myself. I have had some exctiting things happen recently that I would like to share.

I was told by a potential interviewer that it was "unfortunate that I had a masters degree"

I have a job interview tomorrow for Research Coordinator I position in the Warnell School of Forest Resources. Keep your fingers crossed people. This is a real job.

The boy gave me an iPod shuffle.

I took down my Jesus bathroom decor last week and now it is back up again, due to popular demand and GODBLACKDEVILHEAD proclaiming that the group of candles I put on the bathroom shelf to fill the loss of Jesus void smelled like "poop" all together, with two new additions...a dashboard hula and a jade green mini buddah given to me by Ms C. Thanks man!

I am WAY behind on my triathlon training.