I Can't Fight This Feeling Anymore....

I just ran into Dr. Evil and I can't help wondering how long the desire to kick him in the shins is going to last? The worst part of it all is he is a nice person. He was just the absolute worst employer I have ever had. If it wasn't the micromanaging it was the guilt trips. If if wasn't guilt trips it was the need to talk about his born again Christianity. If it wasn't talking about his faith it was asking about my lack thereof. If it wasn't violating my right to believe whatever the fuck I want to it was setting outrageous deadlines on work I had nothing to do with. I have managed to avoid him for six months now. This is a feat in and of itself because our office buildings are separated by a small parking lot. I catch myself looking to see if his car is there in the morning so I know to be on guard when I make my snack run in the afternoon. Well, today my streak ended. I feel tense and pissy now. Even now, six months later, that man makes me feel tense and pissy. When will it end?

Tooth Fairy...

I am currently trying to think of ways to make the baby tooth I have to have removed ($1000) "accidentally" fall out. I thought about doing the whole string-around-the- tooth-slam-the-door-shut-move. I am open to suggestions. The best part about this ordeal is that I will have a fake tooth, also known as a flapper, for approximately 6 months to a year. All I know is, it will make one hell of a party trick. I am hoping I can get it in gold or with a rhinestone dollar sign on it. Cross your fingers.

Load em up! Move em Out! Rawhide...

The boy and I have had two crazy weeks. His sister had twins last Tuesday. I went to the dentist and found out I have to have approximately $3000 worth of surgery done on one of my teeth none of which is covered by my insurance....awesome. Now, we have started the packing process because we are moving out of our tinny tiny apartment this weekend. I am strangely calm about the whole thing. Normally, a move would shoot me into the stress stratosphere but not this time. It could be all the wine I've been drinking prior to, during, and after packing everyday. It could be the excessive amount of exercise I have been doing. Either way, I feel oddly passive about the whole thing. Our new house is very purple (the landlord's choice), much bigger than our apartment, and will be shared with one of the boy and I's favorite people. Yep, we will have a roommate. I just hope I can talk him into cooking for us several times a week so the all-burritto-all-the-time diet the boy is on can come to an end. Actually, I am hoping having a roommate will inspire both the boy and I to stop watching crappy reality TV and to cook more. Once were settled...poker games and mint juleps on the front porch every night. Who's in?

Now, You Can have....

a disgusting Egg McMuffin without leaving the comforts of your own home. I have this thing against unnecessary and unnatural products. For instance, I hate mixed fruit jelly or any type of gum/candy that combines fruit flavors. Why mix em' when they are just fine on their own. This ranks right up there. It's as if McDonald's hasn't done enough damage to the unhealthy American. Now they can gorge themselves on that nasty shit at home. I know I sound awfully self righteous but something like 64% of adult over the age of 20 are overweight. This isn't going to help. Now, the average American can completely cut out what little exercise they would have gotten walking their unhealthy ass into McDonald's. Oh wait! I forgot about the drive thru. At least this abomination of commerce will cut down on exhaust and harmful greenhouse gases but you've exponentially increased your chances of keeling over on the can with an Egg McMuffin in your hand.

King of His High School....

This kid went in as the dorky kid in the orange sweatshirt all the meatheads took cheap shots at and came out KING of his high school.

Sweaty IT guy...

An IT guy was in my office for the better part of the afternoon today. He was not fixing the previously mentioned operating system debacle (I fixed that on my own. I RULE!). Instead he was reinstalling some software that hadn't been functioning properly for over a month now. I have been harassing him all month and today he finally showed up. Does the software work now? Nope! Sure doesn't and I am still trying to figure out what he was doing in here for two hours. That's beside the point. While he was cranking away in here, I stopped in to see how things were going. In doing so, I was made aware of how badly he was sweating. I had a hoodie on the back of my chair, lucky for me (definitely not lucky for the hoodie) that absorbed most of the sweat but the seat was left wide open to the elements. Now my chair has this faint scent of B.O and it is really grossing me out. I guess I could get passed it if my shit worked now. I mean it is on the cusp of the weekend and the chair would have had a couple of days to air out but now I am just annoyed. Damn you sweaty IT guy!

Scatterbrain...

I have become a bit of a dimwit as of late. I used to think I was very sharp, never forgetful, and organized. Somewhere along the road all of that has turned around. Not a day goes by that I don't put my keys in my purse and then turn around twenty minutes later and freak out because "I am positive I lost my keys!" I can walk into another room with a purpose and completely forget what that purpose was by the time I get there. I frequently space out and lock my keys in the car. I often times forget to feed my cats in the morning. The only reason they don't starve is becuase the boy remembers. I can't spell. I can never remember a joke.

Yesterday, my flakiness manifested itself in a rude fashion. I went to the salon/tattoo parlor to get my bangs trimmed by the sweet and lovely girl that cuts my hair. She will do this at no cost (which is great considering how poorly I have budgetted this month). Not only did she give my bangs a fantastic trim but she took the time to show me some things to do to my hair to get me through the growing out process with as little pain as possible. We got to chatting at the counter post-trim. I grabbed some of her business cards to hand out and darted out the door. The problem is....I forgot to tip her. I feel like a shmuck. She spent twenty free of charge minutes with me, the hair styling impaired, showing me cute things to do with the mess on my head and how do I repay her. I DON'T. But before it gets too out of hand and leads to akwardness, I am going downtown this weekend to tip her. Better late than never, right?

Professional "Expertise"....

The following is a brief list of things that, professionally, I am considered an "expert" in: geography, landscape ecology, cartography, and coordinating people, places and things

The following is a brief list of things that, professionally, I am not considered an "expert" in: partitioning hard drives, boot diskettes, backup drives, MS-DOS, and Linux operating systems.

That being said, yesterday I attempted to correctly install a second operating system on my #2 hard drive. Some how in the process, I installed it on my #3 hard drive which is my backup drive which, in turn, erased and reformated my back up drive making me lose everything that was on there. WHO LOSES EVERYTHING ON THEIR BACKUP DRIVE??? Oh yeah, I do because I am an idiot. Doesn't that defeat the entire prupose of a backup drive. It wasn't totally catostrphic. I only lost a few things that were only saved on my backup drive which is a releif.

The real problem is that now because of the shotty installation I did, I can no longer save anything on my #2 hard drive leaving me with no backup drive at all. You may be thinking...why don't you uninstall this new operating system and reformat your two drives. Yep, I would love to but I can't get the goddamn thing to boot up when I start the computer leading me to think I did one extremely shotty job of installing this OS.

The worst part of all of this...I know NOTHING about computers. I should have known better but NO, I decided that it was time for me to learn. I told the IT guy for my department when he offered help..."No, don't worry about it. I would like to figure it out on my own." He gave me a shit eater grin and thumbs up. I should have known then I would be doomed. When I told him yesterday what had happened he just went..."ooohhh" You know the way your parents did when you told them you did something you were really excited about but they thought was 1) extremely dangerous or 2) very stupid. He followed his response with a giggle. He fucking laughed at me. I was having a professional crisis and he giggled at me. So now I wait. I wait for the smug IT guy to come fix it. It's been a full 24 hours now since I asked for help and there has been hide nor hair of the IT guy. I think he is trying to make me sweat. Either that or that smug bastard knows nothing about what I am doing and he is scouring the internet for the cure. All I know is I am in WAY over my head on this one. Not to mention I feel like a total loser posting about an operating system. Whatever! Geek Out!

Nothin...

I've got nothing this week. Even after I get home from work my focus is on work, cheap wine and the Tour de France. Oh yeah, and I think about food a lot. Other than that I have brain mush and nothing interesting to share. I am heading home for the weekend and I am actually looking forward to it. I am looking forward to it now but that will all change after the fam sits down to its first family dinner and good ol' dad brings up the war or how great "W" is or how all Muslims are terrorists or all gays are immoral. Following any of the aforementioned comments will be a battle of words which will probably end in me telling good ol' dad that he is an ignorant ass and "I can't believe I am related to him." This will most likely send my mom into a snit leading to her to defend my father even though she agrees with nothing he says with the exception of "W" being great. Depending on the degree of the disagreement, I will either end up storming out of the house and going to hang at the boy's folks house where they will feed me wine and ask the boy and I "when are you two going to get married" or it will leave good ol' dad and I barely speaking to each other until one of us quotes Robin Williams from Good Morning Vietnam or good ol' dad busts out the fart machine and hides it in the kitchen somewhere only to embarrass my mother with an artificial farting noise when she bends down to grab something out of a cabinet. Then all will be right with the world until the boy and I leave on Sunday.

I'd like to give a shout out to....

My Mom. Happy Birthday, Jane!

My $3.99 Old Navy ballet flats. While you are terribly flat and uncomfortable you do look o-so-cute with a denim skirt. Holla!

London. Congrats on the whole 2012 Olympic thing.

That guy I alomost ran over in the bike lane this weekend. See they are BIKE LANES not-strolling-while-I-talk-on-my-cellphone lanes.

Counter Culture Coffee. Not only are you organic and free trade but you pack a punch.

R Kelly. For making,what I can safely say is, the worst five part song/video montage I have ever heard/seen...."And now he's coming to the closet....And he opens up the closet..."